DEVELOP YOUR INSIGHT: SOME TOOLS

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." Herman Hesse Ready for some illuminating self-reflection? In the last newsletter, I talked about the importance of insight: being able to assess yourself and knowing how others see you and react to you. In that newsletter, I listed several questions you can ask, to help you develop your insight. But I also promised some tools to help develop your insight. I’ve done all of these myself. I remember doing Part Four below for the first time. It was brutal. I recognised the truth coming back at me. I hated it at the time. I was heavy with the weight of truth and self-criticism. But I learned. What I was missing was the spirit of light curiosity, which I recommend for all of these tools – take yourself lightly with the spirit of playfulness. Let’s get into it: Part One: · Write out a list of your strengths and your weaknesses. Start with three. · If you like, there is a free survey you can use to discover your strengths here: https://www.viacharacter.org · Are you applying your strengths? Are you working on your weaknesses? Part Two: · List the five closest people to you in your life and write down their qualities. · It’s often said that you are the sum of these people. They mirror you. Ask yourself, what qualities do you share with these people, both good and bad? Part Three: · Think of two people: one you admire (a hero) and one you dislike (an enemy). · Write down the qualities (up to three) that you admire in the first person and the qualities you dislike in the second. · Think about these possibilities: a) you admire the qualities that you might need to develop in yourself and b) you dislike traits that you will not admit in yourself – your own traits you might need to work on. Part Four: · Ask three people you trust: What do they think are your three strengths? What are three things (traits/qualities) they think you could work on or develop? You can do this by email or message if you feel too uncomfortable to do it in person. Remember that their responses aren’t necessarily true. They are just their perceptions of you. Playful curiosity. · Notice how you respond to their second list. Do you want to deny it? Resist it? Do you feel angry? How much can you accept your imperfections? Can you take feedback? Can you handle feedback and still have compassion with yourself? And laugh at yourself? · If you find that you can’t do Part Four at all, ask yourself why without judgement or self-criticism. Shaming yourself only brings about paralysis. Be compassionate with yourself. Everything is fine, this is all just feedback, and these are just tasks to experiment with. You can always do this in future. If you’d like to develop more insight with a compassionate therapist and coach, for a free 15 minute consultation, or to book in a session, email me at rjurik@me.com or find me on my website at primetherapy.net